A session between Indian parents-part 2

Not gonna give much of an intro filled with dramatic dialogues . I’m not an Indian parent. Duh

1. I am in a relationship. (Son says)

Ladki virgin toh hai naa?

( nahi uncle , bedsheet pe red stain nahi milenge)

2. Pehli baat , that’s so regressive. Second I’m in a relationship with a boy.

Hearing the first part of the sentence, the uncle-aunty are just going to start with hamare Zamane mein wali bullshit ,

And then they hear his second sentence.

Ek parent doctor mehra ko call lagata hai,jo btw ek general physician hai aur doosra panditji ka whatsapp number nikal hee raha hai.

Jokes and humour aside, Madras High Court has banned conversion therapy. Get yourself updated both with the news as well as your pathetic mindset.

Bottom Line: Supreme Court ne Babar azam ke time ka section struck off kar diya, yeh log “hamare zamane” pe atke hue hai.

3. I am in a relationship. ( girl) btw this time it’s a heterosexual one

Virgin toh ho naa?

Ladka apne caste ka toh hai naa?

Kamata Kitna hai?

Isne humare khandaan pe mitti miladi.

( one of the parents is a bloody Ekta Kapoor Serial fan)

And ek toh khandaan word nikalo koi dictionary se. Ladka rxpe karke jail jaaye tab khandaan ko kuch nahi hota, ladki consensual sex kare(yes a thing called consent exists chauvinist pigs) ,toh woh tumhare supposed “khandaan” ki naak kata deti hai.

Jaa behna, kaan mooh sab katwade

Anyways next statement.

4. I don’t want to get married and all. Aur woh xyz religion ka hai.

Virgin toh hai naa tu?

( nahi aunty do baari pregnant ho chuki)

Pehle kisi aur jaat ka banda pakad laai. Ab shaadi bhi nahi karni. Ruk mein sharma ji se baath karta hoon. Unka beta abhi booked nahi hai.

5. Arey but I don’t like that sharmaji ka beta papa.

Like kya hota hai. Kisi aur religion ke ladke ke saath chakkar mein hai. Pata hai padosi wali aunty kya kahegi. Unki beti ki abhi shaadi hui hai.

Aur shaadi ke baath like wike sab ho jaata hai.

6. Accha tu aapka chakkar kyon chala tha .

And then comes the act of raising hand on the child. Which btw is physical abuse but issh India mein aisa kuch mat bolna.

Chaata hee toh maara hai, honor killing thodi naa ki hai.

7. I want to do ________ Hons.( samajhlo medical, engineering, eco hons,bba ,MBA nahi hai)

Have you lost your mind?

Job nahi milegi.

Phir ladka nahi milega.

Phir sex kar legi.

Drugs bhi shuru.

Phir non virgin aur druggie dono.

Phir pregnant ho jayegi. Phir Aryan Khan ki Tarah jail chali jayegi.

8. I don’t want to have kids.

Abhi toh sabhi bolte hai. Khud bacche karne ka man karega.

5 years later with 3 kids.

My uterus and my brain were still not ready.

But neither were 2 sets of baby producing “khandaani” monsters ready to accept a woman who makes her own goddamn reproductive choices.

Arey reproductive choice jaisa bhi kuch hota hai, sunne mein toh bahut accha lagta hai. Mammi ko batake aata hoon.( tHe hUsBaNd)

9. Mujhe director banna hai.

Ban naa itne MNC hai. MBA kar.

Arey, films mein

Accha tere baap ke paise toh ped pe ugte hai naa ?

Mammi bhi kamati hai.

Kya bola?

Arey mammi papa karne do naa. Let me try.

Haa try kar jabtak try karega, MBA choot jayegi. Phir shaadi. Phir Bina bacche ke marega.

Bacche kaha se aa gaye?

Aur bombay jaana hai?

Haa Matlab….

Ek kaam kyon nahi karta sharabi bhi banja?

Kya?

Arey waha jayega Rhea Chakraborty aur Aryan khan se dosti karega?

Whatt?

Haa aur kya . Yahi toh hota hai naa Bombay mein.

3 yrs later. One MBA . 20 marriage proposals . (Btw ladke ki job the city of dreams drugs mein hai)

Unlimited regrets.

Par regret kis cheez ka, ladka MBA hai.

( My mother says: Bahar apne grave ke likh Wana mein MBA Mara tha )

10 and the last( mujhe jaana hai, papa bula rahe to have “the career talk” just kidding , warna abhi mere haath kaap rahe hote)

Beti, virgin toh ho naa???

Published by Lavanya Gupta

She/Her.Country.Cricket.Creativity. Student both literally and metaphorically.Aspiring lawyer.My eyes open everyday from the hypocrisy in our society. So no choice than learning something new everyday.

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