On our Afghan Women

The voices have been silenced.
Silenced again into the Era of darkness.
They’re no longer women .
Women teachers, women doctors, women activists , women politicians.
They’re no longer young girls with dreamy little eyes.
They’re in there eyes, criminals,
“Terrorists”,
Because somehow by reading a book and taking a pen in their hands,
They violated the teachings of God.
Teachings which they were supposed to understand without ever reading them.
Without ever “understanding” them.

They will be rxped, in the name of producing “warriors”,
Warriors who will slap a girl walking in the street because she was wearing a ring in her finger.

They will be hit publicly, denounced as lowly beings,
Why?
Maybe because she tried to escape a marriage ,
Maybe because she tried to treat herself as a human.

Maybe because she was a 12 year old who loved reading magazines and had hidden them in some corner of her house, thinking that maybe the woman on the cover will soon be her.

But those frivolous dreams or characterless dreams as they would say,
Need to be suppressed.
And she needs to give birth to many boys.
To justify her existence.

You either abide by the rules, or you die.
And as they say history never lies,
It always repeats.
And abiding by these rules is just as worse as death if not more.
Living a thousand deaths,
These women have been silenced.
Silenced again into the Era of silence.

Snow white and shit

Ever imagine if once upon a time,
Snow white was killed,
What would happen?
Maybe the evil witch would become the fairest of all,
An even more racist and self centered version of herself.

Maybe the 7 cute dwarfs would have a more peaceful life where they wouldn’t have to remind a helpless but seemingly grown up maiden in distress not to open the damn door for strangers,

Especially when you live in the middle of the forest,
And especially when someone hates you for being fairer that her.

Maybe the man she sent to kill her ,
Will become a local goon,
Earning money by killing people.

And the prince.
Well he will find another princess to kiss when she is asleep,
Instead of calling a damn doctor.

Racism, sexual assault, abuse, stereotypes – all of this shit
Has thus been taught to our beautiful young kids as a fairytale.

‘Cause as they say,
All is well that ends well.
Right?

Women-In our own goddamn proud ways

The world wants women.
It has always wanted them.
So never talk about our worth in this goddamn place. ‘Cause this place needs us.
It’s just that while the world wants us,
It will not allow us to want.
And you know the fun part of that,
We never asked you to allow us for anything.
You just took it as your right to give us what you think we deserve.
Well now we are not going to allow you to allow us things.

We want a place where we can desire things.
We can desire money, sex and power without feeling ashamed of it.


We want a place where when we deserve a promotion, we get it. The ring in the finger doesn’t define how apt we are at what we do. Our ability defines our success, not whether we comply with the boss’s wishes when he asks us to sleep with him.

We demand a place where we are not told that we should be grateful for the opportunities we are given despite being a women. Our gratitude should not depend on our gender.

I can be assertive, decisive, opiniated. None of that makes me less deserving that a man who is infact deserving because he has all these characteristics.

I am not going to stand there and say that I progressed despite being a woman. I will proudly say that I am living my life the way I want and there are no despites and conditions attached to it.

We want a world where we can walk at nights. Where we do not feel scared that the man behind us is going to rxpe us.  Where we do not feel scared on a lonely road fearing that a man might jump out of nowhere and grope us.

We want a world where motherhood is both a choice and a right. And it doesn’t goddamn depend on marital status, partner or what the family thinks.

We want a world where it’s about being a woman and deciding what that means to each one of us. Cis , trans, other. It’s not about having a vagina or a uterus. Not about bleeding. It’s not about makeup. Not about dresses. Not about long hair. Not about what sex we were assigned at birth. Because we are all women in our own ways.

Our caste , religion, race, complexion and none of those damn things make us “desirable” or “undesirable”.

Because that’s not how we are going to move forward. Because right now we don’t care about what desires the world has from us.

We have lived and existed for centuries desired by the world and guess what- We need laws to ensure that we are not raped, time to think whether the love of our life will not hit us after moving in or whether we will have to leave our career because a white gown is more important than a formal suit.
So now. We desire. We want. And most importantly we strive to get it.

We don’t wanna just survive. Because surviving is boring.

We want to thrive .And go much beyond the bars set for us.

‘CAUSE SOMETIMES ITS OKAY NOT TO BE GROUNDED. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE A WOMAN IN A SOCIETY WHERE THE GROUND IS ALL YOU ARE SHOWN.

Papa’s princess

You are my princess’, he said to her,
As he held her small body in his large arms for the first time.

” You are daddy’s girl, Aren’t you? “, He asked her, when he rocked her in his arms.

” You are papa’s little princess”, He once again said to her, as he patted her head while she kept on solving the sums in her copy.

And then one day, ” You are my biggest curse”, He told her.

Her, standing in her faded jeans and white t- shirt, her eyes teary, her lips chapped, her soul unbelieving .

Her T-shirt still said ” Daddy’s girl proudly”.
“Wasn’t I your princess?”. She asked him.

” Yes , but that princess was supposed to know her limits.”
That princess was supposed to know the price of her title.
That princess should have always known that when she was born, she had already signed those terms and conditions . Normally, we skip that part . We don’t waste time reading terms and conditions. But that baby, didn’t even have the privilege of going through them.

That princess had become a curse. And now she was going to be a proud curse.
You know why?

‘Cause in this country, people think that Feminism means a man calling his daughter his pride.
I don’t wanna live by your pride.
Because that pride has standards.
Rigorous standards.
Regressive standards.

Standards which are the biggest shit they throw at you.
Ladki hui hai. Maybe for some minds who consider themselves as progressive, that is a proud moment.

But that pride is still gonna have to be repaid. Cause if we wanna remain daddy’s girls, we gotta follow all the damn conditions coming with them.

We don’t wanna be princesses. We wanna be ordinary humans. We don’t wanna be told that if someone loves us, it will be conditional.

Virgin. Pure. Soft. Obeying. Cultured.
” My daughter is my pride”.

She is not your pride. She is a manifestation of your ego. Your patriarchy. That is still deep rooted in you. But you refuse to accept it. You will still bind her.

She can fly. ‘Cause you have given her enough space to fly in the cage itself.

But one day that cage will not be enough for her. And that day, she will be the curse.

Don’t celebrate daughter’s day. I don’t want a fancy card. I just want some autonomy. Some respect. Some breathing space. Some unconditions. Some room. Some thoughts. Some ideas.

In short, Somewhere I can be me.

Shit we hear when a girl is born.

Pre natal sex determination is banned, banned with a Capital B. ‘Cause in a country which loves reproducing , a girl’s birth even today is considered ,

a) A liability .

b) A liability which will be paid off only when she becomes someone’s wife.

c) A liabilty which once settled will enter her (oh sorry what should I say), umm yah her maayka, only when her patidev (dev being the main part here) allows her.

And so on and on and on.

Yeah. Guptaji ki beti ab Aggarwal ji ki patni hai. And she will damn sure adhere to all these stupid norms.

But why I am talking about this beautiful shit the society throws on us?

Well because this whole marriage drama is directly connected to the oh shit the relatives say when a girl is born.

And let’s just get to the what the damn title says.

Imagine a hospital setting. And imagine the parent giving birth to the beautiful baby girl who will become someone’s wife when she grows up.

Soon after her birth.

Beti hui hai.

Relative A : Arey arey arey. Chalo koi naa. Agli baar ladka ho jayega

Agli baar bhi hoga. Abhi se Taye hai. Decided. Yeah but the poor mommy doesn’t know this yet.

Kher why should she? Unka kya bigadna hai iss sab se?

Vesi bhi,

That woman has given birth to another woman( well I know that the child might grow up to identify as another gender but here come one you know where we stay, don’t you?)

Okay so yes. She has done treachery. Umm she is less of a Woman. And the part of biology which says that it’s a man’s sex chromosome which determines the sex of the offspring is thrown to the wind. (‘Cause inhone biology porn se seekhi hai)

Yeah so her consent. Not required next.

Relative B: Hnn hnn, relax bhaisaab. It’s okay. Meri Panditji ne kaha tha ki………

(Panditji se poocho, hoga gaumutra se related )

Father: Its okay. I am happy. Beti hui hai. I must spend all my time with her. ‘Cause one day she will leave the house and go.

Dadaji:Vahi toh. Laksmi aayi hai ghar mein. Pooja rakho. Panditji ko bulao.

Nanaji: Correct, vese bhi beti paraya dhan hoti hai, kyon bhaisaab? Ab humari beti bhi toh aapke ghar ki Lakshmi ban gayi naa? Ghar soona chod ke chali gayi.

(Sorry Lakshmi Ji, I hate this myself)

The one feminist standing there. Speaks up.

” yeh kya lagaya hai, uncle . Khush hoye abhi. I mean abhi se shaadi ka sochna. “

Mr. A( Not understanding anything): “Vahi toh. Shaadi kaha se aa gayi. Ab toh dahej ikatha kijiye. “

Then saying to his wife in whispers ” vese bhi maa ko dekha hai. Kaali hogi. Zyaada dahej lagega Agar shaadi hui bui toh”.

The one and only feminist,

” yeh kya keh rahe hai, dahej? I mean seriously. Can’t we just move forward in our life. This is nonsense”.

Father: Exactly, dahej kaun leta hai aajkal bhaisaab. Bas apne marzi se koi

1. Gaadi 2. Fridge 3. Washing machine 4. Thode zevar 5. Bank balance etc. Etc. De denge. Beti ka hee toh hai sab.

“Arey toh beti ko do naa, uskey pati ko kyon doge?”

” Arey beta, jo pati ka hai, woh uska hai. Kyon?”

(Accha toh jo decision making power aur freedom pati ki hai woh thodi ladki ko bhi dedo. )

“Wahi toh. Aur yeh toh humari sanskriti hai”.

Okay. Sanskriti. Dude get your facts rights.

We are the world’s largest democracy. So humari sanskriti equal rights, democracy hain. Technically…

Okay and I’ve had enough like that feminist. Probably like that woman who has just given birth. Like the beautiful girl who will grow up to question her own identity.

These are all stupid conversations associated with the birth of a girl.

A baby who hasn’t even probably opened her eyes properly. And there her skin tone will be discussed. Cause her skin tone determines the match for her.

When that girl will grow , she will be asked questions like do you know how to cook?

Which will be covered up by saying, ” You know it’s a basic life skill, we are not asking you to make food for your in laws.”. Believe me, I’ve heard it.

But will you ever ask a boy does he know how to cook and then cover it up by this in laws statement?

I don’t know how to cook. I am not bloody ashamed of it. Maybe yes one day I might learn basic cooking just so that I can be independent. But that cooking skill is supposed to make me independent. Not for my in laws or husband to be dependent upon.

To all people,

Who felt sad at my birth,

Just because I was born with a vagina,

I feel sad that even today, your first question is ladka hai yeh ladki?

And not, is the baby healthy?

Is the parent healthy?

I feel sad thinking about how you are going to plan your future savings,

Boy- money for a big fat Indian education.

Girl-for a big fat Indian wedding.

I feel sad, thinking about how,

You call her Lakshmi,

And then reduce her identity to a man’s property.

A woman’s goddamn identity is what she wants it to be.

Don’t say, That you love your daughters, that one day they will go away,

Cause you are not progressive towards your daughter,

That’s just a mask you are trying to use to hide the patriarchy and misogyny inside you,

And sorry. You are not even successful in that.

Ladka hua toh USA mein settle hoga career banake.

Ladki hogi toh kisi Canada return se shaadi karayenge.

Woh usey khush rakhega.

No nobody can keep your daughters happy save they themselves. Only we have the power to keep ourselves happy. Our happiness, our independence, our life and even a trip to Manali is not in the hands of what people call the better half.

And as I end the blog,

The one thing I will say is,

Zindagi mein teen cheezon ke peeche kabhi mat bhagna chahiye- bus, train aur samaaj mein izzat.

(Always hated the original dialogue)

(For those who don’t know, it’s a dialogue from Ishq and you’re better off not watching it.)

Women Stand Together

Btw the title is a fact and not an advise(for those thinking like that)

They say,
That a woman is the biggest enemy of another woman,
No,
That’s utter bullshit.
A woman has been forced to stand against another woman,
Just so that she can survive.
‘Cause here the only women “allowed” some miniscule power are the ones who oppress other women.
Strange right,
‘Yes.
Cause here the competition is about which woman will be able to survive the shit thrown ?
Mind you, all are not even meant to survive,
All of them in fact shouldn’t survive,
So that this competition between women to beat each other can keep going.
So that seeing one of them punished can tell the other to shut her mouth.

And you know what the best part is,
All these women will rise together one day,
And beat you down.

The place

As I lay down in that place,
Secluded from the rest of the world,
I realize that the air seems breathable,
The life seems livable,
The peace seems soothing,
But the heart still beats for that place.
The place where everything may seem wrong,
But where you had set out to create your own right.
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