Marriages can be made in heaven. But they can’t be broken in heaven. And those who do this have their lives made hell by courtesy our Society.
Marriage is the 3rd most important stage of the PPSS syndrome(Padai Paise Shaadi Santaan) and then obviously comes what people regard an investment into the future. One who will carry the so called izzat and the vansh of the khandaan(mostly it does apply to heterosexual cisgender sons who again conform to the society’s norms)
According to studies, out of 1000 Indian marriages, 13 end up in divorce.
So are Indian marriages the most “ideal” marriages, the one filled with absolute love,trust,mutual respect and understand and oh God all those stupid standards of equality and dignity???
I think not.
The National Commission for Women in India for example received 5294 complaints of domestic violence in the year 2020.
All of these were “complaints” which means they were reported.
The number of complaints relating to harassment of married women or dowry harassment were 3784.
It has been acknowledged that the Pandemic has seen a huge increase in such cases against women.
Cases that come under the ambit of Ghar Ki Baath.
And yes , marital rape is not yet a crime in India.
Marital Rape. Domestic Violence. Dowry. -These are some of the crimes which happen in the guise of a marriage.
The stabbing of a Woman in the middle of the street by her husband for the sole reason that she wanted to continue working is Ghar Ki Baath. Yes it is their no no his personal matter. His wife, his property , his matter.
Right. So whether the wife gets pregnant or not, whether she uses contraception is not ghar ki baath. But the fact that a pregnant woman walking on the street, is hiding wounds using sunglasses and makeup and whether she has become pregnant through rape ( oh sorry how can a husband rape in India) is not ghar ki baath.
And she cannot complain. Cannot register an FIR. Can’t do the basic of going through a divorce.
The same may also apply to men as violence or torture against men is a definite question on their masculinity according to the Protection of Toxic Masculinity Act.
We can read the full study here.
(And here I am talking about marriages between cisgender and heterosexual individuals,marriages that the society will mostly accept leaving behind the other unacceptable marriages belonging to the category of different caste or religion , non-virgin bride etc etc.)
The proportions of victims across the genders may vary and yes this is something we must reflect upon, but what we cannot deny is its effects on the survivors and/or victims .
Yet Divorce is a big big stigma.
But even if a marriage doesn’t consist of any violence or torture I’m any form -sexually,verbally,physically,emotionally,mentally etc., can it still not end??
Well maybe it can . And maybe it should.
It’s a well accepted fact and a joke in bollywood movies, that marriages in India happen not between 2 individuals but between 2 families?
Of course, that’s why families have control over the fact whether the couple indulges in sex or not(by preparing wedding nights) and most importantly over the fact that the wife gets pregnant ..
So again if two “individuals” decide that they can’t go on together, they are not happy, they are not compatible or for a various other reasons which may sound silly to our silly society, why would the society give them what I would call the basic humane right to divorce?
So much stigma on being a divorcee. And I would say worse if you are a woman divorcee.
Tumse shaadi kaun karega? Tumhare bacche kaun sambhalega? And oh God,
The one that triumphs it all,
Humari izzat ka kya hoga,
Izzat. Quite a complex word. Like I should compare about my izzat in the eyes of those for whom personally I have no izzat.
How many of you have seen Dil Dhadakne Do? Oh God, Relatable to the power infinity.
Humare khandaan mein aaj tak kisi ka divorce naa hee hua hai aur naa hee aage huega?
What’s this stuff with khandaans dude? Why do we still love in an Era where we consider ourselves the Mauryas or the Mughals with all that so called khandaan ki izzat?
Like what has happened in the end? Has our reputed Khandaan saved us against Covid-19? Like is Covid-19 not affecting husbands and wives with children and khandaans?
And another concept of what we call Hum Do, Humare Do.
Crap. Utter crap.
Marriage is not equal to child.
Child is not equal to marriage.
And that’s it.
But again coming back to divorce, the concept about whether a child will suffer.
Of course a child will suffer anyday if the relationship between the parents is not good. But it will anyday be worse if two hopeless parents stay under the same roof shouting at the top off their voices and taking their anger out on their vansh.
It’s fine. Individuals can rock as parents while failing as spouses.
Women can divorce without having any available tag on them. Men can divorce without needing to marry again.
And of course. They can continue with having relationships in their life. They are individuals. They make mistakes. Period.
Yahi dekhne reh gaya tha. Baccha oops sorry vansh paida karle. (Please stop these lame statements yaar)
A child is not meant to hold that thread(what we consider sacred) of marriage . Let the poor child breathe. Let the parents live.
And let them break free if they want. Period.
Because you know what,
Some marriages may be meant to end,
Some may be meant to last forever,
What is not meant to last is
Unhappy individuals, unhappy marriages and pathetic regressive standards to live by.